Incident Reports
Incident Report Number 3472 – JF – 1117-1
Reporting Officer – Sheriff Jack Frost
Initial Complainant – Chris Miss
Overview
Local lumberjack and owner of Chris Miss Farms, Chris Miss, reported on Nov 17th that someone had broken onto his woodlot, cutting down dozens of his best Christmas trees and destroying them. Upon a site visit on Nov 17th at 13:30, it was apparent that the cost to the business is substantial and invasive. No obvious suspect.
Collected Evidence
Chris Miss has a highly organized woodlot, sorted by rows and by type of tree. Upon walking the rows of his North Woodlot, I was able to conclude that the following trees had been cut down.
| Blue Spruce Row 1 | 1, 2, 3, 11, 12, 21, 22, 23, 30, 33 |
| Blue Spruce Row 2 | 1, 4, 20, 24, 30, 32 |
| Blue Spruce Row 3 | 1, 4, 20, 30, 31 |
| Blue Spruce Row 4 | 1, 2, 3, 10, 11, 12, 13, 20, 30 |
| Balsam Fir Row 5 | 1, 4, 20, 30, 31 |
| Balsam Fir Row 6 | 1, 4, 20, 24, 30, 32 |
| Balsam Fir Row 7 | 1, 2, 3, 9, 14, 21, 22, 23, 30, 33 |
| Balsam Fir Row 8 | no trees cut down |
| Balsam Fir Row 9 | no trees cut down |
| Balsam Fir Row 10 | 8, 9, 10, 11, 15, 16, 17, 18, 22, 23, 24, 25 |
| Balsam Fir Row 11 | 8, 11, 15, 22 |
| Balsam Fir Row 12 | 8, 11, 15, 16, 17, 18, 22, 23, 24, 25 |
| Blue Spruce Row 13 | 8, 11, 15, 22 |
| Blue Spruce Row 14 | 8, 9, 10, 11, 15, 22 |
| Blue Spruce Row 15 | no trees cut down |
| Blue Spruce Row 16 | no trees cut down |
| Scotch Pine Row 17 | 2, 6, 12, 13, 19, 22, 26, 29, 32, 33, 34, 35 |
| Scotch Pine Row 18 | 2, 6, 19, 22, 26, 29, 32 |
| Scotch Pine Row 19 | 2, 6, 19, 20, 22, 26, 27, 29, 32 |
| Scotch Pine Row 20 | 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 11, 12, 13, 14, 19, 22, 26, 29, 32, 33, 34, 35 |
| Balsam Fir Row 21 | 2, 6, 19, 21, 22, 26, 28, 29, 32 |
| Balsam Fir Row 22 | 2, 6, 19, 22, 26, 29, 32 |
| Balsam Fir Row 23 | 2, 6, 10, 15, 19, 22, 26, 29, 32, 33, 34, 35 |
Official Statement
No
Additional Info
Strange looking footprints in the mud and snow around the Woodlot. While the damage to the trees appears to be done by a chainsaw, it appears that the beast wielding said chainsaw has footprints of roughly a size 19 foot, and walked around the woodlot without shoes on.
Further Documents
No
Incident Report Number 3472 – JF – 1123-3
Reporting Officer – Sheriff Jack Frost
Initial Complainant – Tai Dings
Overview
Homemaker and local bird enthusiast Tai Dings called 911 on Nov. 23rd at 14:46 reporting that there was “a bigfoot was in his backyard destroying his bird feeders”. Minutes later, Sheriff Jack Frost arrived on scene to find Tai Dings out in front of his house crying in the driveway. Inspection of the backyard revealed 8 of his 9 bird feeders were smashed to bits. While Tai Dings’s yelling out the window at the beast (while he was calling the cops) hadn’t phased the culprit, the trespasser was gone when Sheriff Frost arrived.
Collected Evidence
| Tai Dings | Supplied a feeder for Blue Jays |
| Carole Ling | Supplied a feeder for American Redstarts |
| Chris Miss | Supplied a feeder for Downy Woodpeckers |
| Hanne Ka | Supplied a feeder for Pileated Woodpeckers |
| Sam Boney | Supplied a feeder for Hairy Woodpeckers |
| Noelle Smith | Supplied a feeder for Black Capped Chickadees |
| Trey Del | Supplied a feeder for White Breasted Nuthatches |
| Felix Navii-Dad | Supplied a feeder for Red Breasted Nuthatches |
| Holly Day | Supplied a feeder for Cedar Waxwings |
Official Statement
Yes: “No way that thing was a person in a monster suit! It was way too lifelike.” – Tai Dings
Additional Info
Tai Dings, while being a bird enthusiast, is not the most savvy birder in the world, or even in town. Despite this, he managed to accrue 9 distinct bird feeders which attracted 9 distinct varieties of birds. Each was given to him by a different member of town (except the one he made himself).
Further Documents
Yes: Supplementary Docs. “Bird Feeders”.
Visit https://www.audubon.org/ for further information.
Incident Report Number 3472 – JF – 1204-1
Reporting Officer – Deputy Cole D’Nosa
Initial Complainant – Holly Day
Overview
On December 3rd at roughly 17:30, Deputy D’Nosa received a phone call from Holly Day on his personal phone requesting a favour. Somehow all 21 reindeer from her Woodland Sanctuary had managed to escape, and she needed help rounding them up. Over the next two days, largely thanks to many concerned citizens calling in locations of the deers, Deputy D’Nosa managed to usher all 21 reindeer back into the sanctuary. Only as he delivered the last stragglers did D’Nosa notice the signs of tampering of the locks on the gate to the reindeer pen.
Collected Evidence
10 reindeer were collected around town on December 3rd. They were found at the following locations:
- the intersection of Pine Ave. and Fulham Street
- the corner of Fulham Street and Old Opossum Drive
- 142 Turkey Road
- the busy intersection of Main Street and Rollicking Road
- 335 Main Street
- the bend of Squirrel Street
- 30 Rollicking Road
- one house east of Timtam Lane on Turkey Road
- one house west of Timtam Lane on Old Opossum Drive
- where Bay Avenue terminates at 12th Line
11 reindeer were collected around town on December 4th. They were found at the following locations:
- the intersection of Ted Way and Pine Ave
- the end of Green Ave
- where Post Lane begins from Sally’s Court
- 110 Turkey Road
- the intersection of Smith Ave and Hollyhock Court
- 35 Yellow Lane
- one house West of where Coyote Court and Bear Lane intersect
- 2 Yellow Lane
- 138 Turkey Road
- the intersection of Johnson St. and Old Opossum Drive
- two houses east of Johnson St. on 12th Line
Official Statement
Yes: “I wish I had seen evidence, especially the note, earlier. I fear that two days of heavy traffic and use may have obscured other evidence or clues. I have nobody to blame but myself.” – Deputy Cole D’Nosa
Additional Info
Further investigation revealed white fur caught in the barbed wire fence bordering Day’s Woodland Sanctuary in the region nearest the reindeer pen on Fox Field Way. Perhaps more telling, was a note taunting Sheriff Jack Frost (likely from the “Yeti”). Thus, it wasn’t until December 4th that an official incident report was deemed necessary and was written up. The fur strands have been sent to the lab and are awaiting further analysis.
Further Documents
Yes: Supplementary Docs – “Holly Day’s Sign” and
“Yeti’s Note”
Incident Report Number 3472 – JF – 1212-1
Reporting Officer – Sheriff Jack Frost
Initial Complainant – Guillaume (Guy) Stander
Overview
Original 911 call came in at 11:03 am on December 12th from a man who didn’t leave his name, reporting that someone/something had spray painted graffiti on the local ice rink in Sweetglen Memorial Park. First officer on the scene, Sheriff Frost, was greeted by the caller (one Guy Stander). Surveying the scene and interviewing witnesses, Sheriff Frost found that the continuous offender “Yeti” had struck again. This time, defacing the rink boards with disturbing graffiti of the rink boards. This graffiti publicly taunted the police by writing “CAN’T CATCH ME COPPERS”.
Collected Evidence
Several witness statements, a copy of the news interview by Hanne Ka, a couple of photographs (which I included in my letter to you), and the strange crumpled up piece of paper that Guy Stander provided me with (which I also included in the letter).
Official Statement
Yes: “No, this wasn’t me Officer! I know that the sudden string of acts of vandalism have resulted in my meteoric rise as a news reporter for Channel 14 News, but I have had nothing to do with the vandalism! I don’t like what you are insinuating and I would prefer this to be on the record!” – Hanne Ka
Additional Info
I am very suspicious of Hanne Ka! The graffiti mentions subtitles, and looking through video footage I can’t help but feel that documents have somehow been tampered with. How did they know to tamper it just so, and furthermore, how did they know that we labelled our crime scene photos as 1a and 2b? There is something fishy going on here! We are going to have to follow the lines of messaging to cut out the white noise and find some space to solve this investigation.
Further Documents
Yes: Supplementary Docs. “Channel 14 News”
Supplementary Docs. “Hockey Player Statement”
Witness Transcripts. “1212-1 – Guillaume Stander”
Witness Transcripts. “1212-2 – Edward Bauer”
Witness Transcripts. “1212-3 – Timothy Hatchet”
Incident Report Number 3472 – JF – 1216-2
Reporting Officer – Sheriff Jack Frost
Initial Complainant – “Jeff” (acquired from YouTube video)
Overview
An anonymous call to 911 was made December 16th at 14:53, describing how the “first snowman” had been destroyed by a Yeti. First on the scene was Sheriff Jack Frost who surveyed a horrific and saddening scene. The first snowman was in fact destroyed, ruining 28 years of tradition, and Sheriff Frost was unable to locate the 911 caller.
Collected Evidence
Sheriff Frost sectioned off the scene and carefully analyzed all footprints in the snow. Three distinct sets of fresh tracks were identified. Two sets of tracks were side by side and roughly size 9 running shoes, and size 8 ½ boots. The third, approaching from a completely different direction and fully directed towards the “first snowman” (suspected to be the perpetrator’s) was a set of boot prints roughly size 11. Strangely, there was a distinct absence of the size 19 footprints like the ones found at Chris Miss’s woodlot.
As Sheriff Frost was wrapping up his footprint analysis and documenting the scene, Deputy Cole D’Nosa arrived to inform him that the initial complainant had apparently been filming the scene and caught the whole destruction of the first snowman on camera. Being the first actual footage of the Yeti, this is a major breakthrough in the case.
Official Statement
No
Additional Info
After informing Trey Del of the destruction of his “first snowman”, Mr. Del was most forthcoming with any information about his creation in an effort to hopefully track down this destructive Yeti. He showed Sheriff Frost all the tools he used as well as the small ladder he used to craft the head of the snowman. Mr. Del then went on to describe that the snowman was made of remarkably tough to pack granular snow (unusual for early season snowmen), yet he still managed to get the bottom ball roughly two and half feet wide. The second ball brought the snowman up to exactly 5’6” tall (the height of the friend who was helping him with construction), and he assumed that with the third ball the first snowman reached roughly 6’6” tall. All of this was corroborated using public record as measurements are taken of each “first snowman” at construction. At most, the snowman had melted one inch since construction.
Further Documents
Yes: Supplementary Docs. “Holy H E Double Hockey Sticks”
Incident Report Number 3472 – JF – 1220-2
Reporting Officer – Sheriff Jack Frost
Initial Complainant – Biff McTuff (Beyer’s Centre chief of mall security)
Overview
Beyer’s Centre mall security called 911 at 19:27 on December 20th, with a report of vandalism and a potential dangerous animal loose in Snow World Emporium, one of the mall’s stores. Sheriff Frost was the first officer at the scene at 19:40 and found the snow globe carnage. Multiple snow globes lay shattered on the ground, and employee Ken Globe was found sitting head in hands looking rather stunned. Mr. Globe apparently got a look at the perpetrator and our suspect is a “Bigfoot”?
Collected Evidence
Ken detailed which snow globes were smashed for insurance claims. Looking at the record of smashed globes (x’s represent smashed globes and _’s represent globes left intact) something is amiss. This is remarkably similar to a code we recently saw where “The length of a dot is one x. A dash is three x’s”, sadly I don’t remember what this was from but it seems that the smashed globes are telling us a message. Thus, his documentation of broken snow globes has been submitted as evidence.
Display table 3:
x _ x_ x x x _ x _ _ _ x _ _ _ x _ x x x _ x _ x _ _ _ x _ x _ _ _ x x x _ x _ x _ x x x
Display table 4:
x x x _ x _ x x x _ x x x _ _ _ x x x _ x x x _ x x x _ _ _ x _ x _ x x x
Display table 6:
x _ x x x _ _ _ x _ x x x _ x _ _ _ x
Central Display Table:
x x x _ x _ _ _ x _ _ _ x x x _ x _ x _ x x x _ _ _ x x x
Official Statement
No
Additional Info
Very much a “Bro”, Ken Globe is not intelligent enough to work mentally demanding jobs (at least that is my opinion), and I highly doubt he has the ability to fabricate any of the information that was given. I suspect his witness transcript is fully honest, although perhaps there are holes in it due to his complete stupidity. Also, could this “bigfoot” be tied to the large footprints at Chris Miss’s Woodlot last month?
Further Documents
Yes: Supplementary Docs. “Snow World Emporium Voicemails”
Witness Transcript “1220-2 Ken Globe”
Incident Report Number 3472 – CD – 1221-1
Reporting Officer – Deputy Cole D’Nosa
Initial Complainant – Biff McTuff (Beyer’s Centre’s chief of mall security)
Overview
Felix Navii-Dad, Beyer Centre’s mall Santa, had his Santa suit stolen from right inside the Elf Shoppe on December 21st. Mall security was alerted, and a chase throughout the mall ensued. The pursuit finally culminated in the escape of the perpetrator. In light of today’s events, it is now clear that the infamous Yeti is a fake. It appears that a person in a Yeti costume has been terrorizing the town as one such suit was found discarded in a store change room. Having been called by mall security twice in two days, Deputy Cole D’Nosa arrived first on scene at 12:35.
Collected Evidence
All the main suspects were tracked down and questioned about their whereabouts during the time of the chase throughout the mall. Below are their supposed alibis.
Felix Navii-Dad: Was apparently taking a much needed restroom visit for almost the entirety of his 30 minute break which started at 11:15 am. The reason why the Santa suit was left hanging in the Elf Shoppe.
Sam Boney: Was apparently at the garage working on the zamboni as he had noticed that there were slight imperfections to the way that the machine was taking care of the ice.
Carole Ling: Was in her closed up store in the mall cleaning up after the disastrous snow globe fiasco from the previous day. Broken glass and glitter everywhere, inventory to reorder for the busy season, staffing schedules to rearrange until the store was cleaned up. Arrived early to have an interview with Hanne Ka that morning about the misfortune that had befallen her store.
Tai Dings: Was in the mall having coffee with his good friend Holly Day at around that time. Sadly was unaware of the events that took place. No receipt on hand but paid for their drinks with his credit card…wouldn’t his credit card or Starbucks have confirmation of that?
Holly Day: Was in the mall having coffee with her good friend Tai Dings. Thinks she may have heard some commotion, but was unaware of the events that took place. Perhaps that was what was distracting the barista…She had to order her drink three times.
Trey Del: Was in his dorm room studying extra hard. An important test was coming up so there was no spare second to be away from his textbooks.
Noelle Smith: Busy putting the finishing touches on the 28th annual snowman building competition set to happen in just short days.
Chris Miss: Was buying some manly flannel clothing. When questioned further about where and when, he became very evasive. When pressed, he finally admitted he was in the mall at The Gap at roughly the time of the events.
Hanne Ka: Was on her way home after interviewing Carole Ling in her snowglobe store that morning. Got the call from her cameraman who was still at the mall about the potential new story. Raced back to the mall and met her camera man in front of the Elf Shoppe so they could shoot the newest scoop…a double whammy.
Official Statement
Yes: “I am done. You hear me, done! I have done this Santa bit for 14 years now out of the goodness of my heart. Someone wants to steal my suit…so be it. You can figure out some other way to have Santa in Sweetglen next year.” – Felix Navii-Dad
Additional Info
A serious intervention with head of Mall Security Biff McTuff needs to be had by Sheriff Frost, as my authority is not respected enough. After asking twice, I had to demand for a copy of the Mall Security Report. I had a much easier time talking with the public and managing to corroborate their stories.
Further Documents
Yes: Supplementary Docs. “Mall Security Report”
Supplementary Docs. “Beyer’s Centre Mall Maps”
Witness Transcripts. “1221-1 – Deputy Cole D’Nosa”